K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
