the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
