OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
