he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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