I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
