how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
