Someone shit on the floor
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
