I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
