I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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