when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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