ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
