You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
