I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
