i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
