I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
