Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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