..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
