What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
