he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
