"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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