My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
