I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
