woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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