So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
