She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
