sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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