Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
