He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
