Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We left the knife in your bed.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
