just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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