I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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