I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
