Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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