Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
