She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
