apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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