Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
