She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i believe in u and ur pee
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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