I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
