I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
