my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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