Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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