how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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