I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
