I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
