Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
