i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
