I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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