This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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