just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
