Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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