you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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