the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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