just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
