We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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