He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
